Funny Moments from Plays

Whether you’re looking for something uplifting to read or you want to share a chuckle with your fellow theatremakers, one thing is certain – it’s always good to have a giggle!

We’ve compiled a list of just some of the funniest quips, jokes, one-liners, and snippets of wordplay, all guaranteed to add a spark of joy to your day.

3Women by Katy Brand
Three generations of women and their own very different identities and opinions are placed into one hotel suite for a single night of family bonding before a wedding. What will be revealed?

Suzanne: “I don’t think Gary wants you dead.”
Eleanor: “Give him time – he barely knows me.”

‘Allo ‘Allo by Jeremy Lloyd and David Croft
Based on the hugely successful British television series, this uproarious comedy relates the adventures of a hapless cafe owner, Rene, in occupied France.

Edith: “When we first met, you were so in love with me. You said that you could not even think straight.”
Rene: “I could not. This is why I married you.”

Arcadia by Tom Stoppard
This brilliant play moves between the centuries and explores the nature of truth and time, the difference between classical and romantic temperaments, and the disruptive influence of sex on our lives.

Chater: “You insulted my wife in the gazebo yesterday evening!”
Septimus: “You are mistaken. I made love to your wife in the gazebo.”

My Left Nut by Michael Patrick and Oisín Kearney
400 millilitres. That’s how much liquid was drained from Michael’s left testicle. He should have told someone sooner, but who could he turn to? Besides, school is full of rumours about what the giant bulge in his trousers actually is. Who wants to stop that?

Mick: (to audience) “There it is. Proper ultrasound image. Like a baby. Except this baby has no limbs or face. It’s just a big boiled egg. My left nut.
So what is it?”
Ultrasound Man: “Do you mean a boy or a girl?”

Noises Off by Michael Frayn
A touring company are dress-rehearsing Nothing’s On, a conventional farce. Mixing mockery and homage, Frayn heaps into this play-within-a-play a hilarious melée of stock characters and hilarious situations.

Dottie: “No, I’m not in Spain, dear, I’m in agony.”

One Man Two Guvnors by Grant Olding, Carlo Goldoni and Richard Bean
This comical farce follows the trials and tribulations of Francis as he attempts to manage not only two jobs, two bosses, and their frazzled affairs.

Francis: “That has got to be the most beautiful sentence in the English language. A pub that does food.”

Pickle Jar by Maddie Rice
Sometimes it’s hard to manage the pressures of adult life – teaching, Tinder and outrageous Irish best mates are a lot to juggle, especially when you’re still figuring out what it means to be a grown-up.

Miss: “And how does whether I have a – a partner or not matter to form time?”
Carly: “Well, if you aren’t getting any then we have to deal with the stress.”

The Cat’s Mother by Erica Murray
Ciara’s younger sister, Sinead, arrives at her door on Friday evening all set for what Ciara thinks will be a weekend of respite from caring for their mother. But it is not turning out as expected…

Ciara: “Hang on, hang on, hang on; our mother is waiting downstairs?”
Sinead: “Yes.”
Ciara: “You left an old, senile woman on the street in London?”
Sinead: “No… I left her in Prêt-à-Manger.”

To find other plays that are guaranteed to bring a smile to everyone’s face, explore our collection of comedies.

Photo: One Man Two Guvnors (Tristram Kenton)